This is so NOT how Hemingway Began …

When a writer becomes noteworthy – either for their literary merit (like F. Scott Fitzgerald, Jane Austen, or Ernest Hemingway) or for their popularity (J.K. Rowling, Stephen King, or unfortunately Stephenie Meyer) – people often are curious about what the author’s early works were like. In the case of the former writers, this might involve a graduate student contacting various colleges and libraries and requesting special permission to peruse a set of letters written by the master when he or she was twenty years old, enjoying the night life in New York City or Paris while drinking heavily and staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning nearly every day. For the latter, it is more likely to be a superfan who is craving another fix while waiting for the author’s newest book to hit the shelves of Barnes and Noble (having devoured all the writer’s previous works and worn out the bindings on their favorites). Whatever the reason we choose to return to these early works, we do so largely out of a sense of curiosity. I had the great fortune of discovering one of my own early works not too long ago. While helping my dad clean up some of the clutter around his apartment, we discovered an old notebook that contained a story written by me in third grade, circa 1995. This story is so incredibly well told. The characters are captivating and deep. The prose is tight. The story grabs you from the first sentence and refuses to let you go. I am currently in the process of adapting it for the screen. To direct, I’m thinking … David Fincher, maybe. Although there are some horrific elements to it, so possibly I might be better off shopping it to Guillermo Del Toro. Hmm, I’ll have to give that some more thought.

All joking aside, this story is absolutely terrible. I know you aren’t supposed to preface the work with your own opinion but instead should allow the reader to come up with their own interpretation. But that won’t be necessary. It is terrible. I know it, you will soon know it, and I don’t really care. I have several stories saved on my computer that I am pretty proud of. And then there is this story, written in my fantastic third grade penmanship (here, I am only slightly exaggerating – really, my handwriting is the best aspect of this story). I share this mostly because I had meant to give it to my brother for Christmas and I forgot. So, hopefully he will find it in his Facebook feed and get a chuckle. I hope you will too! I know I did …

Presented in its entirety (uncut and with all spelling errors and errors in judgment intact) is:

The halloween Party

Once upon a time there was a class. it’s teacher was cool. One day the class was extra happy that night they would have a halloween party. Everyone was ecited excited. They were extra good that day. At 9:00 A.M. the teacher told the class that the halloween Party was at 8:00 P.M. At recess Ian, Ben, Nick, Chad, and Dan were all talking about it. At gym the class did their exircizes well. At 3:00 P.M. Ian told his mom he was excited. That night he was so excited that he waited by the door for an hour. But he was outside playing with his dog Max too. When he got there he was happy. It was really fun. And it was cool. Ian found his four friends. Ian had just got glasses a couple of a week ago. All of Ian’s best friends wore glasses. Now Ian wore glasses too. They had a great time. But a unexcpected visitor came. He was running. He said a skeleton was chasing him. nobody beleaved him, But they did once they saw the skeleton. He went on the stage and said “I have come to take someone to pay for what some people from the Vilige did to me one hundred years ago.” But did anyone from Fergus Falls do that to you? Asked Ian. No said the skeleton. Then he made the school fly! All the kids were scared. They all jumped on the stage and got the skeleton. They said that if the skeleton would put the school down the would give him some halloween candy. So the skeleton agreed and they got the school down, and the skeleton got some halloween candy. they were so happy. Now they still could have the party. The boys named Ian, Chad, Ben, Dan, and Nick were really having fun. They were having a great time. After the party they let the Kids stay awile and hang around. They let Kids do lots of stuff. Dan, Ben, Chad, Nick, and Ian were doing exersizes too build-up there muscles. They did push ups, Pull ups, sit ups, cherry pickers, burpes, and windmills. There teacher had his Apendex takin out. He had just gotten out of the hospital a couple of weeks ago. They were happy that he had gotten back o.k. They we The next day everyone knew that they would never forget that halloween. At school the kids felt good that they had got the skeleton away from the school. They were happy. The end.

There were some elements of this story that I found pretty amusing. They are, in no particular order:

• I know this story was written in third grade because I am in Fergus Falls for this Halloween party and this was the only year I didn’t go to school in Blackduck.
• My third grade teacher really did get his appendix out – I completely forgot that.
• I did have a few words and phrases struck out in the text. Was I maybe trying to hone my editing skills? If so, bravo for me. At least my heart was in the right place, huh?
• Once again, the penmanship in that notebook was pretty decent. The spelling on the other hand, not so much.
• I must have liked gym class more than I remember. Seriously, it gets singled out for no real reason early on, and then, once that nasty skeleton is appeased with our Halloween candy, we finally get to enjoy the party. And what do we do? Our exercises from gym. Dynamite. Which brings me to my last and favorite observation:
• I had forgotten about most of my third grade friends. And though I feel kind of bad admitting it, I have absolutely no idea who Dan and Nick are (I at least vaguely remember Chad and Ben). And if Ben Taylor, who is my best friend from Blackduck is reading this, don’t worry. You are not the Ben in this story and did not have to face the terrible skeleton alongside me. But, if you had been there, I imagine you would also have been happy that we saved the day and got to enjoy our fantastic Halloween party.

Thanks for reading!

Silver Bells

For Christmas this year, I am going to try to publish a few Christmas songs a week. First up, Silver Bells. Enjoy!

Set Fire to the Rain

I had a little time today so I decided to record another keyboard video. I’m hoping to make some more of these and maybe even record multiple parts for a song again at some point soon. Enjoy!

“The Scientist”

This is my first video in a long time. I did it fairly simply, recording the piano part to the song first then creating a second track with the vocal (played with a clarinet in this case, as I will usually opt for that or a violin for the vocal part). Once I had those elements I improvised a flute part to go along with it. In the past I have done a few more parts to go with my songs, but I decided to keep this one pretty easy. When I recorded the song I took the piano track off so that I could play it live. This is the first of hopefully many such videos to appear on this blog. Enjoy!

 

Starting Some Good Habits

This past week I decided it was time for me to stop thinking about getting back into the things that are good for me (be they healthy for my body, enriching for my mind, or comfort for my soul). I began on Monday by starting to exercise again. This was one of those moments in life when you have to accept responsibility for your actions and start to make amends for them. I began with the grand notion that I was going to jump right into Insanity because, hey, I had done it for a month before and I really wasn’t in much worse shape now than last time (summer of 2012). Boy was I ever wrong. Three exercises into the fit test and that became painfully clear! As I lay on the floor struggling to catch my breath and hearing Shaun T repeat his motivating “keep it up” and “Dig deeper,” I knew that I was much worse off than I had ever been before. But my inability to keep up with Shaun T and his pair of well-toned students does not make me a lost cause. It just means that I have further to climb to get myself healthy again. So, for the remainder of the week I forced myself to climb on the old stationary bike and push myself for at least 20 minutes a day (I have gone as high as 40 minutes straight since Monday). By the end of the bike ride I am tired, drenched in sweat (half from the workout and half because Sam and I are trying to not run the A/C this summer), and I feel fantastic. It feels good to be working toward a healthier me again. I have also developed an interesting way to motivate myself. Sam has agreed to leave me alone while I work out, so I use this as my time to catch up on the television shows I have not watched as much in the past two years. Currently I am re-experiencing the joy that is season two of The Simpsons. It is amazing how many excellent episodes aired that season, and now each one can also help me tick off another 20-25 minutes of my journey to a healthier me.

I have also been pushing myself more at work. Sam and I have been working at Swanson’s Health Products since November of this past year, and we are really flourishing in our role there. We are both phone representatives (helping customers place orders, find their packages, solve their issues, and listening to their stories and opinions), but we are also so much more now. We both work on chat a few times a week (answering questions customers ask via an instant messaging platform). Sam handles catalog mailings on a rotational basis. I request to have mail orders to key in nearly every day. And we are both now about to begin the task of mentoring new hires. The prospect is kind of scary, but also exciting. In only about 9 months the company has decided that we are good enough at our jobs to help teach others how to do it. My hope is that this will be a nice gateway into other positions within the company and in a future career.

Creatively I have been a bit stagnant since grad school ended. Without the push of the classroom to get me to write, I find that I struggle to get the motivation to do it. I often get the desire to write, but I let it fizzle out before it has the chance to spark anything in a meaningful way. But, with my new-found motivation to improve my health, I find that I also have the motivation to push myself in this regard as well. My current goal is to produce at least one piece of significant writing a week – by which I mean a piece of fiction, poetry, script, essay, or general blog post that requires me to commit enough time, thought, and effort that what results can be described as something more than merely an idea or a concept. Since it is late in the week, my writing for this week will most likely be this post, but I’m hoping to try something that requires invention next week. I am also going to be pushing myself to rekindle my love of the piano. Back in the fall of 2011, I began posting videos of me playing my keyboard on YouTube. Sometimes it was just a run through a song, other times it required composing multiple parts. I still enjoy those videos whenever I happen to stumble onto one on my computer because they show me a time when I had committed to creating something. I will try to upload a piano video every week as well. These seem like commitments that can be met and just the kind I need to become the me that I want to be.

Ten Minute Writing Challenge!

For a fun way to get back into writing, Sam and I played a ten minute writing challenge tonight. We each wrote down five names, places, activities, or scenarios on scraps of paper, put them into a box, and drew them out randomly. Then we wrote on that subject for ten minutes. We each did three turns, so these snippets represent my three attempts. None of them got to the fully formed story stage and they likely have many weak elements to them, but I think that, with a lot of work, they each could potentially serve as the foundation for a story. At any rate, it just feels good to be writing again for fun. I haven’t written much of anything since I finished my thesis, and most of my writing for the past few years has been for class. It’s time to get down to it and write some stuff for me!

 

“The Playground” (Prompt: Playground)

 Jeremy hoisted himself up the wooden siding that surrounded the slide. The slats were spaced just far enough apart to allow him room to slide his fingers in between. The boards were coarse, worn by years of rain, and snow, and sun.

            “Come on, Jer!” Brian shouted.

            Jeremy glanced over his shoulder and saw his best friend with his fist raised in a you got this, man kind of way. Six or seven other children were arranged in a haphazard semi-circle to the left and right of Brian. Some of them were mimicking his buddy’s confidence and support, while others were watching more intensely, as if anxiously awaiting the snap of a rotten board. Hannibal would definitely fall into the latter category. As Jeremy’s eyes met his, he caught a sudden flash, brief, but malevolent nonetheless. It wasn’t surprising. The two had been in constant competition since day one of kindergarten. Now that they were almost done with elementary school and puberty was beginning to initiate Darwin’s natural selection process within their ranks, it was increasingly important to both boys to win every single battle.

            Today’s battle was making the climb. 

 

“Gonna Fly Now” (Prompt: Run a Marathon)

The blood had started pooling in her sock around the twelfth mile. Jake had told her it might do that. The pavement was uneven and her shoes were falling apart. Rescued from the Walmart discount rack four months ago when it became clear that her window to get moving again was rapidly closing. She didn’t know what it was about those shoes—possibly it was the pastel pink shoelaces, or the cheap red reflector that the designer (do shoes in Walmart have designers?) had decided to include on the back, or maybe it was the thought of simply running away from everything. Racing against the constant stream of anger, betrayal, and missed opportunities until finally everything could pass her by and leave her free to move forward. Maybe it was just because they were her size. Whatever it was, April had picked them up and gone for a run around the block that same night.

            It was during one of these runs a few days later that she met Jake. He was lean and strong. His muscles were not bulky, but instead were spread around his body in a very even manner. Efficient, Jake had called it.

 

“The Final Slice” (Prompt: Your family is starving and you only have one slice of bread. Who gets it and Why?)

 Kenneth returned to the dining room table to find his family’s eyes looking up at him expectantly. The crumpled plastic bag rustled in his hand and four sets of eyes followed the noise to the source.

            “There must be more,” Daniel, his oldest whispered with disbelief. Kenneth shook his head. “But that’s impossible. You said you were going to get more.”

            “I know,” Kenneth began. “But I—.” He stopped there. There was no reasonable way for him to finish that sentence. Nothing he could interject that would remove the pall of despair that had fallen over the four people he had committed to keep safe and comfortable.

            “Well, that’s it, then, isn’t it?” Daniel spat. “We’ve truly been reduced to dogs, fighting over a measly scrap.”

            “Nobody’s fighting,” Kenneth said.

            “How many slices are left?” Denise asked, rising from the table and holding out her hands for the bag. Kenneth reluctantly handed it over and covered his mouth as he watched her stretch out the plastic and expose the one, pathetic bit of bread left.

            “We can split it,” she said, wrapping a comforting hand around his to ease the tremble.

            “Lot of good that’ll do,” Daniel said. “One piece, split five ways? That’s hardly enough to bother swallowing.”

 

 

Movin’ On Up!

Well, a lot has happened in my life since I last took the time to blog. I finished writing and successfully defending my thesis, thereby concluding my more than two decade journey through school. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Will I miss it? You bet. Am I glad it is over? Without a doubt. Not that I minded being a professional student, because, honestly, what better way to spend your time is there than in the pursuit of learning? But after all that time in the classroom, I couldn’t help but develop the itch to go out into the world and do something else. 

So, I got a job. Since April I have been working at Dickey’s Barbecue Pit, which has certainly had its ups and downs. We have had three different managers in that time frame and a lot of turnover within our employee base. As of today, the only three people still working there from the time I started are myself, Alex, and Jake (who became by far the best manager we have had there in the past year, despite the fact that he is only 21). It is a shame, because the food at Dickey’s is quite good, the owners are very nice people, and when the employees actually give a damn and do their job it is not hard to keep everything running smoothly. Unfortunately, as with many areas of our society today, there seems to be a serious aversion toward hard work. Jake is forced to work almost every single day for eight or more hours (usually more), Alex takes lead on almost every shift that Jake doesn’t work, and I work a shift or two on my two off days a week from my new job at Swanson Health Products to try to relieve them. We keep the store running, but with a few more motivated people, I believe that place could be doing so much better. 

Most of the time now, however, I am working at Swanson’s. Believe me, this is in no way the type of job I expected to be good at. When Sam asked me if I wanted to apply for a position in the Call Center, I said yes (mostly because the money was better than Dickey’s, there was a guaranteed forty hours a week, and the benefits were phenomenal), but I was also very nervous because this is the type of job that would require me to actually talk to people! I have a hard enough time talking to people I actually know and like on the phone, let alone strangers; how was I going to manage to do that for eight hours a day? But then we started training and I realized that it isn’t that hard to talk to people after all. As long as you go into the call with a positive attitude (something I typically carry with me at all times), a good knowledge base, and the drive to do what is necessary to help the person on the other end of the phone, you will do just fine. I have recently passed the 90 day mark at this job and had a glowing assessment from my boss. I have also gotten several customer compliments, which makes me feel accomplished and good at my job (and which comes with the added bonus of a $5 gift card per compliment!) I don’t think this is something I want to do long term, but it is certainly a job I can take pride in for the moment and one that will pay the bills until I find something a bit more permanent – possibly something else within Swanson’s. 

Speaking of bills, I just recently added a few new ones. The first are my student loans, which started coming due in December. Luckily, I didn’t accrue any of these in pursuit of my undergrad, so I only have the ones from the last three years to pay off. Still, I wasn’t the smartest about those loans at the time I took them out, so I will be stuck paying those for quite some time. My other newly acquired bill is the rent for my very first apartment. Sam and I loved living with Dad – not just because it meant we didn’t have to worry about paying for rent, but because we enjoyed spending time with him – but we both really started to get the urge to move out on our own last summer. Having never had that kind of independence, we both found that we suddenly craved it more than almost anything. So, with our new jobs in place and a reasonable budget in mind, we took the leap and found a place that offered good space, decent location, and a rent within our means. It has been so incredibly freeing to be able to arrange an entire living space exactly the way we want it. I walk in the door, and I feel like there is a piece of me in every room. A welcome consequence of having our own place is that I now feel like I am in a position to start trying to really achieve some of my long-term goals. I will attempt to document the progress of some of these goals on WordPress, but I will make no promises. If you look back through my other posts, you will see that I have made that promise before and have yet to maintain it, so until I really commit to this fully, such a promise seems hollow. Still, I hope to re-visit this blog often and to continue to grow in all areas of my life.

Making Positive Changes

I began the year with the goal that I would blog at least once a week – and so far that is yet another resolution that has fallen by the wayside and been left to die a lonely death. When I make new resolutions (usually on January 1st, my birthday, the beginning of a new month, or even the beginning of a new week) I always tell myself that this is going to be the time I stick with them. Sadly, that is almost never the case. But that hasn’t deterred me from my goal-setting. Why? I believe the answer lies in my general world view. I am, at heart, a very positive person. I can find the good in almost every situation and generally can shake off the bad without too much trouble. That doesn’t mean that I never feel sad or angry or frustrated or anything like that, only that I tend to bounce back from disappointment pretty well. 

 

I was recently awarded the “Best Attitude” at work award (really just a verbal breakdown of everyone’s strengths at the business), but I was pleased to get it because it means that others see me as a positive person. I feel like that is something I can offer to the world. I may not always know what to say or how to act in a given situation or setting, but I can always attempt to make the journey easier for myself and for others by keeping things upbeat and hopefully a little happier. There are many people in my life who struggle with difficult situations, not to mention the countless examples of people going through much more traumatic events than I am going through. It puts it all in perspective for me: Guess what, Ian, your life is pretty easy, so don’t sweat the small stuff (to borrow an old cliche). 

 

With that in mind, I am going to set some new goals – call these my goals for 2013 redux. Some of these will be small things that I and others will likely not even notice most of the time, but they are still things I want to change and to make a part of my life’s mission toward self-improvement.

1) Be nicer to everyone. I am usually kind to everyone I meet because I see no reason to treat others poorly, but that doesn’t mean I don’t find myself committing some of the typical faux pas on the journey to true kindness: gossip, criticizing someone behind their back, occasionally hoping not to come into contact with “that one person” on a given day. With a slight attitude and behavioral adjustment, I think I can manage this one.

2) Focus more on my health. I always make eating healthier and exercising a part of my goals. Sometimes I make it explicit (I will do x number of jumping jacks, for example) and other times I leave it more ambiguous (I will try to exercise 5 times a week). With my new job, I find it a bit trickier to get onto any kind of an exercise program and my diet has also suffered a bit. However, I did recently weigh myself and realized that I was about 15 pounds lighter than I thought I was. That realization motivates me, because I now believe that even a slight effort in this category could see some nice results. 

3) Think longer before I respond. I usually don’t react to something instantaneously, but rather take a moment to process it and come to a better plan of action. On occasion, however, I lose my filter and something small or insignificant upsets me and creates some problems in the moment. This is especially true when it comes to my interactions with my fiancee, Sam. We have some arguments that stem from a simple miscommunication in the moment (always resolved soon after by a real discussion). I would like to eliminate the need for these second discussions by simply reacting appropriately in the first place. 

4) Get back into writing and music. As I mentioned earlier, I am still learning how to budget my time now that I have a job. Two things that have suffered because of this struggle have been my writing and my music. I haven’t worked on my thesis like I wanted to – and my goal for that will be to have it ready by the end of July, so the time for procrastination in that department is over! I also haven’t really played the piano/keyboard this summer and that sometimes bums me out. That instrument has always been a big part of my life and I never want to abandon it. My resolution in this area, therefore, will be to learn how to budget my time so that I can find time each day, or at least several times a week, to write and play. I’m looking forward to that.

5) Finally, I just want to be more organized in every area of my life. I don’t really feel the need to elaborate on this one because I know it is almost always in the top three of every resolution list ever created, so my meaning is probably pretty clear. 

I’ll try to maintain my blog a bit better so that I can keep myself accountable and maybe showcase a few of my results along the way. In the meantime, I hope that anyone who stumbles upon this place will try to keep a positive attitude in their own lives and find the things that make them happy as well!

Goals and Resolutions for 2013!

Overall, I was very pleased with the way that 2012 went. I made some positive strides in my life (some that I committed to and stuck to and others that showed me glimpses of my potential, like my month of doing Insanity). I began the year with a budding relationship that turned sour fast – not in a mean way, but due to incompatibility. Then, out of that sadness, I found the woman that I am sure I am meant to be with. We have been dating for more than nine months now, and I couldn’t be happier with the state of our relationship. We have fun, we challenge each other, and we feel completely comfortable expressing our love for one another. I am about as happy as I have ever been. The only major negative that I can recall from this past year was the passing away of my grandma. She was a constant presence in my life, and I feel her absence from time to time – particularly during this holiday season. But, I take comfort in the fact that she lived a good, long life. She was active until her dying day and I feel blessed to have gotten to spend so much time with her growing up.

Heading into 2013, there are a few areas of my life in which I would like to improve. These are not necessarily things I am dissatisfied about, but rather things that I think I am capable of. I feel each of these changes will make me a better person in the long run.

Improve my overall health

• I will eat better – meaning that I will add more fruits and vegetables to my diet,   eat less junk food, monitor my calories to a reasonable extent, and seek variety
• I will exercise regularly – I plan to do some form of exercise every day. I will do cardio at least 4 days a week, and strength exercises 3 days a week.
• I will get my weight back to 175 pounds
• I will practice good hygiene – the dentist will soon tell me that I need to floss more, and I will try to do that (along with shaving regularly, keeping clean, etc.)
• I will limit pop to one can a day (or less)

Read more

• I will try to read at least thirty books this year (this goal may increase or decrease based on the lengths of the books I choose)
• I will track my progress on Goodreads and write a review for each book that I read in order to keep myself honest and to catalog my reaction to each book

Stay more informed on the news

• I will read up on current events (probably from internet sources), but I will try to gain a better knowledge of what is happening in the world around me

I will start recycling

• Currently, we don’t recycle in our apartment, but I will start to at least separate cans and glass out for recycling.
• I will also start unplugging things when not in use in an effort to help do my part to preserve the environment.

I will write more

• During the spring I will develop and write my thesis project, which I will continue to work on over the summer. In the fall, I will revise some more, write an introduction, and defend it.
• I will write at least ten pages of fiction a month (hopefully more, but this goal seems reasonable)
• I will experiment with writing poetry
• I will send out some of my work to try to get published
• I will maintain my WordPress blog, attempting to write at least one post a week.

Procrastinate less

• I will try to develop better study habits and do my work on time (or even early)

Get a job

• I will find some form of part-time job this spring and start looking for long-term possibilities.
• I will create an up-to-date resume

Be more conscious of money

• I will keep track of my money and create a budget in order to save for the future
• I will not let money control my life, however – Sam and I will still have plenty of fun together!

Propose to Sam

• She knows it is coming, but doesn’t know the date. This is an important step that I am ready to take with her and I fully intend to do that this year!

I am sure that I will think of more things to add to the list. Of course I also intend to spend more time with my family and to keep in touch with them – a must if I am to be at my happiest. The new year is full of possibilities and opportunities, and I look forward to experiencing all of them. Good luck to everyone with their individual goals! I wish you all the success in the world.

Making Your Friends and Loved Ones Feel Welcome

The other day, my girlfriend and I had a discussion about how cramped our bedroom is.  The room itself is actually decent sized, but due to our current living arrangement, it functions essentially like a dorm room – meaning it is where we sleep, but also where we do our activities (movies, games, homework, etc.).  Taken in that context, the room becomes much smaller.  I believe that I don’t feel the sense of claustrophobia that she does – at least not to the same extent – primarily because the majority of the things within the room are mine.  I have lived here since the end of summer 2011, whereas she moved in about a year later.  My furniture is suitable for a single person, but becomes much too cumbersome for two.  I could easily get by with a dresser that is a third the size of my current one, a desk that is half as large, fewer clothes, extraneous furnishings, etc.  Unfortunately, at this point, my stuff is what it is, and that leaves considerably less room for her stuff than I would like.  Ideally, the room would be comprised of furniture we picked out ourselves, and the space would be decorated in a way suited to both of our tastes.  Right now, as I look around it, I see that that just isn’t the case.

What I’m trying to get at here are the subjects of comfort, compromise, and relationships.  When we live by ourselves, or at least have a space that is designated as ours and ours alone, we tend to use that space selfishly (or, at least, I do).  My room has been my sanctuary, the place where I could relax and do the things that make me happy.  It has also been the place where I could do the things that I have to do (homework, primarily) in the most relaxing way possible.  This tradition probably goes back to the eleventh grade, when my brother left for college and my huge room back in Blackduck became solely mine. I felt free to rearrange the furniture, hang whatever I wanted on the walls, create big messes (and clean them up fairly quickly), because that space was mine.  I veered from that path for a year when my best friend and I roomed together at college, but the very next year I was back to my old, selfish room management habits.  Since 2006, I have either had a single room in the dorms or a bedroom in an apartment that is mine.  Now, in 2012, I have someone very important in my life who has begun to share that space with me – and I need to recognize that this change in my living situation also requires a change in my room management.  Because this is no longer MY space … it is OURS.

I’m am realizing more and more that I have been selfish without realizing it.  I have just assumed that the small changes I have made to incorporate her things would be enough to make her comfortable too.  In some ways, I think they have, but in many more ways, I think they just reinforce the fact that this room is still mine, and she is still a guest in it.  In my mind, the room has been “ours” since the moment she decided to come stay with me, but she doesn’t see it that way – and with good reason.  For this room to be truly ours, I need to compromise.  I need to recognize that, when she looks around this space, almost everything she sees will be mine (or at least have been mine in the first place).  We need to work together to arrange the room in the most comfortable way possible.  I need to sacrifice some of the extraneous things, pack them away, convert them into shared spaces.  When she looks at the bookcase, I don’t want her to see 4.5 shelves of Ian and a cleared space for Sam.  That isn’t the way a relationship works – or at least not the way a relationship I’m a part of should work.  I consider myself fairly adaptable and accommodating, but sometimes I fail to take certain things into account.  By not adapting the room to suit her tastes too and denying her an equal portion of creative control in this small space we call home, I am unknowingly alienating her and making her feel uncomfortable.  All the other “good boyfriend” behavior in the world will not make up for that discomfort.

So, today I begin to examine this room from three perspectives – mine, hers, and ours.  I determine what is important to me in this space and what is not (and, of course, the most important thing in this space will be Sam, herself).  I find out what she needs to feel comfortable, and brainstorm ways that I can give those things to her.  Finally, together we can solve this issue.  I have confidence in us, because facing our differences head on is exactly what we do on a daily basis.  We are enough alike that we can always have a good time together, but we are also wonderfully different from one another.  Luckily, where we are not different is in our ability to talk things out before things go wrong.  Because that’s what you do with people you love.  You try to see things from their perspective and recognize that they won’t always agree with you (and often will almost never agree with you).  But you respect each other enough to try to understand each other, and find ways to make both of you happy.

And I’ve personally never been happier . . .